I have spent countless hours of study on the topic, written many devotionals on it and have prayed and prayed and prayed over its place in my life. Unfortunately, it is still very prevalent in my life. This struggle makes me empathize with Paul when he talked about a “thorn” in his flesh. God never took it away–He used it for His glory. Oh, how I hope that He will not let it remain in my life. I want to be free of it. I often sin because of it and I long to gain control of it.
My Thorn is Anger.
The good new is that I know where it came from. It came from years of sexual abuse in my childhood and growing up with a lot of anger, alcoholism, homelessness and extreme dysfunction. That is NOT an excuse–it is simply the root of its place in my life. Knowing WHEN and WHERE it came from helps me gain perspective in the midst of it and gives me an “out” for lack of a better word.
How does an anger struggle play out in a marriage?
Not good.
Anger is a very tough issue to handle and even harder for the one who is NOT struggling with it–yet loves the one who is!
I am very thankful that God blessed me with the man he did–faults and all. He is an awesome man and handles my anger very well. He has much compassion for me and tries to walk me through it–even when I am in a “biting” mood. He walks right into the fire and helps save me from myself. For that, I will ALWAYS treasure him!
Sadly, it does not cure the issue, or offer a healing balm to him or my girls when they suffer the brunt of my angry outbursts or harsh verbiage.
I find myself on my knees regularly in repentance, sorrow and pleading for God to free me of its assault on my emotions.
He does not.
I ask again.
He does not.
I beg Him daily.
He does not.
Even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (NLT)
*sigh*
Ah, His Grace…His abounding, ever-present, unmerited, undeserved GRACE.
Why am I sharing all of this with you??
Well, for two reasons…
- I will not be fake or keep my struggles in the dark. I am a work in progress with real struggles and trials. I want you to know who I am, so that when you read my devotions, thoughts, books, etc.; you know that you are reading something by a woman who is authentic on the journey! I want to be relatable, truthful and open with my readers.
- I am certain I am not the only wife/woman who struggles with anger–and/or sin of any kind. I also know that anger is very much a part of many women for various reasons and it is a battle that many of us face. I want to be an encouragement to you on YOUR journey as I share the struggles on my own!
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. - James 1:2-4 (NLT)
Oh, how the Lord amazes me! This trial is like any other. It will help my faith as I overcome it and take authority. It will help me be LACKING IN NOTHING!!!
Yay!
“My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”
Thank You, Lord. Thank You, my Daddy God. Thank You for Your Grace…Oh, how I do not deserve it!
Please pray for me and my struggle with anger, dear sisters…
oHi! thank you for sharing about your struggle about anger. It is very comforting that I am not the only one that is also seeking God for freedom from it. I can relate about it being a root issue. My issue is rejection. My mom and dad divorced when I was 15. My mom had bad anger issues. I have sought help with counselors, books, churches. And guess what, none of it helped much. What has greatly helped is CRYING OUT TO GOD ALONE!!!! He is are healer, comfort, and the best friend that we can ever have. I can do nothing to nothing to change myself, nor can anyone else. Sometimes I can’t stand myself at times, but God has so revealed his love to me, and if we seek him to change us, to forgive us, Praise God there is no condemnation!!! He that begun a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. I have come a long way, and have further to go, all the glory goes to the Lord.
I too share similar issues & roots. (Divorced parents & a mother who was hurting so much herself that she was extremely harsh w/me…violent at times.) Working through these thorns together brings me comfort. God’s grace IS sufficient & we will have the victory! Praying He takes it away or gives me grace & self-control like I can’t even imagine.
Thank you for writing this! I, too, suffer from anger. I snap a lot at my husband and people around me. I get anxious when things don’t go my way. Thankfully, my husband is amazing at handling me when I get this way. He’s great at calming me down.
I am so thankful for reading this today. It is exactly what I needed. Our backgounds are very similar and I completely relate with the anger poppins it’s ugly head often. But, I am trusting what the Lord is doing in me. If He sees fit to heal me, He will. If not, then I will boast in the grace filled moments and abundance of Christ’s strength when I am weak. Thanks for your honesty…I strive for the same on my blog.