Have you ever felt like your spiritual progression seemed like one step forward and two yards back??
*raising hand*
I wish I could just take a pill and boom, I am fully developed and filled with all the fabulous qualities that a good Christian should have.
*sigh*
Sadly, that is not and never will be the case for this narrow path I am on. It is a journey and I will not be fully developed until I am in Heaven with my Daddy God. Until then, I have to keep pressing on and grow as I learn. I am very thankful that God is patient with me. Lord knows, my hard head can seem impenetrable at times!
Case in Point
My wonderful husband and I went to church last night and while we were there one of his buddies asked him if he wanted to attend an event with him on Saturday. He hits me with it just as praise and worship is about to start…
For some reason it really pissed me off that he was even considering going anywhere with anyone other than family.
Sisters, a violent storm arose so quickly in my heart that there was no time to think. All I could do was spew out a quiet, but still vicious, “NO WAY!” We were at church, after all, so I had to be quiet…
Yes, it was a quiet, Dark Phoenix type storm, but violent nonetheless.
I looked at him and quietly spewed out how thoughtless I thought he was and who does he think he is kind of statements.
Yeah, I really leaped back a few yards with this one…
Anyway, the music starts…
“Thou oh Lord art high, above all the earth, thou art exalted high above all gods.”
Quietly on the inside, I hear; “Shake it off, Lara…Shake it off…”
GRRR!
“Thou oh Lord art high, above all the earth, thou art exalted high above all gods.”
I look over at him and whisper meanly, “Thank you for RUINING church for ME!”
“Thou oh Lord art high, above all the earth, thou art exalted high above all gods.”
GRRR!
Then God decides to interrupt my storm…
“What are you doing?”
No response…
“Apologize”
GRRR!
“Thou oh Lord art high, above all the earth, thou art exalted high above all gods.”
After another song, I finally let go of my anger and closed my eyes and firmly placed myself at the Feet of my Savior and praised Him for the next however many songs played. I repented for my ridiculous outburst and sat for service.
Later, just before church ended, I leaned over and said; “I’m sorry for the way I acted. I was wrong. Please forgive me. I should have just told you that I wanted you to stay home and spend time with us on your only day off. Instead I sinned and reacted. Please forgive me…”
He looked at me and smiled with such a kind smile and said, “It’s OK, I forgive you. I love you.”
Oh, Lord, I felt like snot. I mean the really icky, gooey, green kind. I felt so bad. I mean, just when I think I am getting somewhere… BAM… That old Dark Phoenix strikes again!
It can be frustrating at times. However, I have come too far and I will not let it get me down–NO WAY! Instead I will focus on what God’s Word tells me…
I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. - Philippians 3:12-14 (NLT)
I appreciate the message today…definitely needed to hear it. However, am I the only one who finds it odd that in a Christian blog, you write that it “pissed you off”?? I read it twice to make sure I had seen it correctly. I understand that we are all imperfect, but this really others me.
I understand where you are coming from, Sarah, and I am sorry if you were offended. However, I am being 100% real here and THAT is the word I feel the women who read this blog can relate to…It is how I felt and I do not put on airs here. I am real and quite raw at times! LOL! I wish I could tell you that I have arrived at a place where I do not use that word…or a few others on occasion. Alas, I have not. (((hugs))) I hope you will not take offense and I also hope you will continue to read and see beyond my imperfections! I am, as we all are, on a journey–hopefully of progression! :)
I feel like you and I are long lost sisters. Sometimes I read what you write and it so perfectly describes me. That Dark Phoenix.. I know it all too well. The sinful reactions (sometimes in inappropriate places) are so my profile. It’s hard to admit, and hard to blog. Thank goodness we are daughters of the KING and we can move forward and find forgiveness. And thank you so much for being real. I wish more people were. And that word… I’ve heard worse from pastors I know. It’s just a word. God doesn’t call Christians to perfection – He knows we can’t handle it. That’s why He sent us Jesus. <3
(((hugs)))
I am very new on this journey and I am so thankful I found your blog. When I read about your life and struggles it feels real to me. I am striving each day to learn my role in this new life and I am trying to do what God tells me to do. I guess I am kind of glad to hear a real life version of the walk. Thank You!
I am so glad you found me, Melissa. :) I hope that you will keep reading…and yes, I promise to always be 100% authentic! :) (((hugs)))